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...and provoke laughter from young and old alike. We don't want jokes that chatgpt can do. ========================================== More info: We focus on jokes such as "would you rather" for quite sharp middle school students. We've already used all the capabilities chatgpt has to offer. Now we're looking for high quality jokes written by real humour professionals. Example of a typical joke generated with chatgpt : Would you rather share a huge birthday cake with a dragon or a giant milkshake with a unicorn? Example with a human writer: Would you rather have a long, sticky tongue to grab your friends' sweets or teeth that keep growing back so you can eat lots of sweets? We refuse all jokes that are racist, discriminating, sexual, viole...

Please convert the attached finished display boxes onto the smaller individaul boxes for you entry. The sides and bottom of the box can just be the background color and design but the front and back of the display box should be identical on the individual box. Need to be able to I've to fix the design also have to clear the diecut area I need a skilled designer to transform our finished display box design into smaller individual glossy cardboard boxes. The individual boxes need to perfectly mirror the display box design for just the front and back. Key Responsibilities: - Convert finished display box design onto small cardboard boxes - Ensure the design is glossy and visually appealing - Ensure the dimensions are accurate and suitable for small items Ideal Skills and Experience...

As the client, I'm looking for an experienced Java programmer to build a stripped-down visual representation of Pacman game mechanics for a basic coding project. Only in Programming 4.3 IDE. Key Functionalities: - Pacman Movement: Program the user's ability to control and move Pacman around the maze. - Pellet Consumption: Pacman should be able to eat pellets within the game. - Ghost Behaviors: Ensure ghost characters are present and exhibit the expected behaviors. Design and Visuals: Design need not be complicated. I require a simple, minimalistic design that effectively communicates game mechanics without overwhelming visuals. Ideal Skills and Experience: - Solid experience in Java programming - Previous experience creating game prototypes would be a plus - A kee...

A weight loss workbook that is appealing to look at and easy to use. Key Components: - The workbook will have textual content that is structured and visually appealing. - It should have graphics and images that are relevant to the content and help in understanding. - The interactive e...ideal freelancer for this project should have: - A strong understanding of design principles. - Proficiency in creating fillable PDFs with interactive elements. - An understanding of educational content design would be an advantage. - Good communication skills to ensure that the design aligns with the educational goals. Content should contain Weekly weight Daily checkboxes for did I stop when full? eat what I wanted? Notice when I was hungry? Daily movement fill in the blank Spot for thoughts/jou...

I wanted to hire someone who can help me to get projects from Online customers, Looking for someone with Sales and Marketing background. I need someone from Online marketing can get some projects by online kr offline mode,and he/she could suggest better way to win projects We can make it as a Incentive basis as well monthly. Budget will be 15-20k inr/month. And if it goes well, we will continue the Contract. I will be offering incentives or commissions as well for leads converted.

...their account details. - Smart Report Generation: The application should have a button for generating smart reports based on the patient's lab check-ups data. - Visualization Tools: The system should be able to visualize raw patient data(patient's lab check-ups data) using appropriate visualization tools and generate a smart report in color coded format. -Smart Report also auto recommend what to eat and what to avoid same recommendation for exercise also. Reference website:- 1. 2. Reference images:- Ideal skills and experience for the job include: - Proficiency in web

Could we create a more designed POG that has breaks for the Tier 1 categories. SIR for this one please show me progress so I can make sure it is what I want

I desperately need to get apps, especially those available on the Google Play Store. My interests lie in a broad range of application types, including gaming, tools, lifestyle, entertainment, and news applications. All applications except finance, wallpapers. And requires a certain amount of downloads. key point: Have a certain number of downloads - The apps should be available on the Google Play Store. Make sure the source file signature file is complete. - I am particularly interested in games, tools, lifestyle, entertainment and news apps. Your role is to sell me the rights to your application. Experience using applications in these specific categories (games, tools, lifestyle, entertainment, news) will be a major advantage.

Implement a BERT model for text classification to filter emotions of Twitter posts based on their content.

..."What's Going On" Other Appreciated Songs: The Rainbow Connection Take Five by Dave Brubeck Hellfire and Part of Your World from Disney Bittersweet Symphony Your adeptness in varying music styles will keep the guests entertained and on their feet. Here are some further details: - The duration of the performance would be between 2-3 hours. - After your performance, you're welcome to stay, eat, and enjoy the reception. Ideal skills and experience: - Wide repertoire, particularly in jazz and classical genres. - Experience in performing at weddings or similar events. - Ability to engage with a diverse crowd through music. - Professionalism in conduct and timeliness. Your musical expertise will surely be the life of the party and help create lasting m...

I require an iOS developer to create a mobile app that focuses primarily on listing places to eat, drink and visit. The main feature crucial for the mobile app is item listing. A practical understanding of user experience paradigms and their application in developing listing apps is key for this project. Previous work samples in the F&B, Hotel domain will be greatly valued.

I need a creative graphic designer to create a bright and vibrant 8.5x11 inches flyer for an upcoming event. WHO DARE??? Five candidates can participate in the Paqui One Chip Challenge. Can you eat one extremely spicy Paqui Carolina Reaper chip and avoid eating or drinking anything afterwards for five minutes? ONLY ADULTS!!! Location: Le Virage Date: May 23, 2024 Time: 8:00 pm Contact Number: 77032389 Key Requirements: - The flyer should be in a bright and vibrant color scheme.

I'm seeking a creative and thoughtful redesign of my company's logo, with the goal to modernize our brand image, improve brand recognition, and attract new customers. The focus should be on updating the icon or symbol, aiming for a literal or representational style. Along with the logo redesign, I'd like an update to our Brand Guidelines, Presentation Templates, and Email Signature to reflect our new look. Ideal Skills: - Logo and brand design - Strong visual aesthetic with an eye for modern, literal design - Experience in creating branded materials such as presentation templates and email signatures. Remember, we're hoping this redesign will help grow our appeal to new customers, so an understanding of market trends and consumer behavior is a plus.

As a Remote Support Specialist, our primary need is to have a Virtual Assistant who can take care of the daily job post on LinkedIn. We will provide all the required content, but we need someone who can follow detailed instructions effectively to ensure consistent and quality posts. Ideal skills and experience for this job include: - Strong attention to detail is essential, to ensure accuracy in posting. - Excellent communication skills. The role is expected to be ongoing, so we are looking for freelancers who are reliable and committed to the task. The task only takes is easy and simple, few minutes per day so we encourage everyone to apply.

...prefer the diet to be Vegetarian but if it's essential then I can also eat meat. I think I'm lactose intolerant but I'm not sure about that. I've been going to gym for a long time but the difference is not very much. I have gained weight and muscles but it also came with lots of stretch marks and fat around my waist and stomach and face. I need a body physique like anime character Toji. It's totally achievable as I have seen people achieve it. I also need to increase my stamina for obvious reasons. iykwim I can workout 1 hour 6 days a week. I have a job where I have to sit all day in front of computer and and then travel approx 4-5 hours in cab daily. I weight around 65 kg right now and I'm 5'5 tall. Ask awaz any more details if you...

...82805 Article Published: January 16, 2024 | By Duane Mellor, a senior teaching fellow at Aston Medical School We can find naturally occurring nitrates and nitrates in water and vegetables, especially in leafy and root vegetables such as lettuce, beets, celery, carrots, and more. Around 80% of the nitrates and nitrites we consume are naturally occurring from the plants we eat. We add synthetic and naturally derived nitrates and nitrites to many meat products such as hotdogs, bacon, sausages, and more to protect the food from harmful bacterial growth while increasing the umami flavor and giving the meat a red or pink color. Nitrates and nitrites are a vital component aiding our digestive system, and we find them in our saliva and blood. They help protect ...

I'm seeking a skilled writer to craft an engaging, informative article on nutrition and its role in managing stress and anxiety for an adult audience. Ideally, you'll have experience or knowledge with: • Health and wellbeing writing • Nutrition and dietary science • Understanding of anxiety and stress management Aim to deliver a factual yet empathetic tone. Und...in managing stress and anxiety for an adult audience. Ideally, you'll have experience or knowledge with: • Health and wellbeing writing • Nutrition and dietary science • Understanding of anxiety and stress management Aim to deliver a factual yet empathetic tone. Understanding of SEO is a bonus. The text must be original and insightful, helping adults recognize the connection between...

I'm looking for a skilled mechatronic engineer who can help me develop a custom food vending machine. This machine, based on my concept, should primarily cater from frozen food to food made ready to eat. Key requirements: - The machine should automate the vending process. - It must be designed to store and dispense the specified food items. -I require design drawings, 3D models, and a fully functional vending machine prototype sample machine As my vision is quite specific, it's important that you have experience in working on similar mechatronic projects. Your expertise in robotic arm control, sensor integration, and automated assembly will be pivotal in bringing this idea to life. If you feel you have the skills and experience to make this project a reality, I'...

I'm seeking a skilled writer to craft an engaging, informative article on nutrition and its role in managing stress and anxiety for an adult audience. Ideally, you'll have experience or knowledge with: • Health and wellbeing writing • Nutrition and dietary science • Understanding of anxiety and stress management Aim to deliver a factual yet empathetic tone. Und...in managing stress and anxiety for an adult audience. Ideally, you'll have experience or knowledge with: • Health and wellbeing writing • Nutrition and dietary science • Understanding of anxiety and stress management Aim to deliver a factual yet empathetic tone. Understanding of SEO is a bonus. The text must be original and insightful, helping adults recognize the connection between...

As a Python backend developer, I'm looking for someone who can help me build a personal project. This project involves audio, specifically real-time audio processing and analysis. We need this backend for a web app that will send audio data over websocket connection to your backend. Your backend should accept the stream and transcribe it on the server and then store the text in postgresql database and then convert the transcribed text to audio using tts and send it back as a stream to the user over the same ws session/consumer that initiated it. This pipeline should have min latency and hence we prefer using local speech to text and text to speech instead of making external api calls. We could also use external services using apis if the quality of these services is not good - we n...

I'm seeking a skilled writer to craft an engaging, informative article on nutrition and its role in managing stress and anxiety for an adult audience. Ideally, you'll have experience or knowledge with: • Health and wellbeing writing • Nutrition and dietary science • Understanding of anxiety and stress management Aim to deliver a factual yet empathetic tone. Und...in managing stress and anxiety for an adult audience. Ideally, you'll have experience or knowledge with: • Health and wellbeing writing • Nutrition and dietary science • Understanding of anxiety and stress management Aim to deliver a factual yet empathetic tone. Understanding of SEO is a bonus. The text must be original and insightful, helping adults recognize the connection between...

I need a talented plugin developer to create a personalized and realistic horse server plugin. I'm striving for a lifelike equestrian experience involving breeding, birth, and horse illnesses. This plugin should also allow for horses to eat and drink. I envision a diverse range of tack sets available for use. Crucial to achieving realism, I seek enhanced features for: - Horse Stats and Training: In-depth horse statistics and training options. - Custom Horse Maker: A tool to create unique horse types and breeds. - Improved Horse Gaits and Models: Focused improvement sought on 'appearance and textures' to add realism. Ideal Experience: - Plugin development - Knowledge of realistic horse behavior and traits - Experience with model and texture design - Familiarity with ...

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I'm seeking an experienced web developer with proven expertise in Django framework for an advanced web development project. Key Requirements: - Proficient in Django web framework, React.js for building user interfaces, and machine learning technologies. - Expert in HTML/CSS, JavaScript, and React.js for front-end development. Applicants must be able to provide examples of past projects using these technologies. With their comprehensive understanding of Django and front-end technologies, the ideal candidate will deliver quality and maintainable code, and provide insightful recommendations for improving the performance and usability of the website. Previous experience in machine learning is beneficial, though not an overarching requirement. What is the work: We have a college pro...

I'm a passionate logo designer seeking an experienced marketing and branding expert to enhance my visibility and attract more clients on Freelancer.com. Here's what I'm looking for: - An assessment of my current Freelancer.com profile and portfolio. - Expert advice on optimizing my profile to showcase my skills effectively. - Development of a clear, targeted marketing strategy to increase my exposure to potential clients. - Guidance on best practices for engaging with prospects and converting them into clients. - Tips on creating compelling project proposals to stand out among competitors. The ideal candidate will have: - A strong track record in marketing, specifically within the Freelancer.com platform. - Success in personal branding and lead generation for freela...

I need an attorney to create legal documents such as privacy policy, terms of use, and more if necessary for a dating app like Tinder. I am trying to launch in the US. The project is for business use, and please show me previous works working with privacy policies, terms of use, and more if you have done these before. You can benchmark documents that are doing similar service as my app (ie Tinder), but since our app has different capacities and functionalities, you might have to know how my app works to write comprehensive documents, I want this to be done ASAP.

I have an existing Go app a URL validator, which is currently set up to validate URL availability but it have to be parsable . Now, I want an experienced Go developer to extend this feature and make it more accurate by allowing it to check the entirety of a URL, even if it is not initially parsable. What you'll need to do includes, but is not limited to: - Update the URL validator to check full URLs even if its not parsable . - Troubleshoot and resolve any issues that arise from these updates Ideal Skills & Experience: - Go Programming Language - Debugging - URL Parsing - URL Validation If you have notable experience in Go development and URL handling, you're the perfect fit for this project. Please do include instances where you've worked on similar projects ...

Please watch this video to understand: We currently have an abandoned cart flow for customers viewing our gaming consoles who abandon cart, we need it redesigned with images, html, much more exciting creatives. Initial Email (2 hours): Emphasize the 12-month warranty, fast delivery options, social proofing(trustpilot, yotpo, google feedback) and quality assurance(deep cleaned and thoroughly tested). Include a personalized message with a clear CTA to complete the purchase. Second Email (12-16 hours): Highlight the trade-in opportunity(same day payout if they trade in old console, free label to send item in, best value for their old console) and potential discount on a new purchase(we will give free next day delivery discount

I'm in search of a skilled freelancer who can aid me in executing a project. Unfortunately, pertinent details have been omitted such as the project type and required functionality. Please provide further information so I can tailor the project to best meet your needs. Your bid should include your expertise and relevant experience in website development, app creation, or logo design. Your communication skills are also important as we'll need to work closely to define the project. Looking forward to your proposal.

More details: I need social media banners and logos for Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok. I need logos that are engravable on parts. I want logos that are text only, Artwork only, and Combination logo of text and art. This is a ground up business marketing artwork package to cover all branding and first round of merchandise. What is the primary purpose of the logos and merchandise artwork you need? Branding and promotion What information should successful freelancers include in their application? Past work Which merchandise items are you planning to apply the artwork to? T-shirts, Stickers

...cannot happen again. We need the app to have the following functions, Admin Panel Several sections including History, Where to Eat, Local Attractions. News Small online shop selling around 10-20 items We must have the ability to post videos or links from YouTube We will be selling adversing space within the sections and will need to be able to edit very quickly to start an ad campaign for one of our customers advertising in the app so we will need the admin panel to be easily edited. The advertising will come from local businesses that we will advertise within the app. We must have the function to create both ads within the sections like in "Where to Eat" but also we must be able to have a pop up function. The app must look perfect, fresh, new and sl...

25 for first, 20 for each additional ASL

need someone who can improve a linked profile from all aspects to make it more professional and visible

...‘Ghost’, 1 ‘PacMan’, and 1 Power pill. The walls can be removed to make it simpler(see below). The Ghost and PacMan characters each move one square at a time, in any direction (including diagonally!). The game ends when the Ghost catches the PacMan Character (expect for the case below). Or when 1000 moves have been made. If the PacMan character collides with the Power Pill; the PacMan has 15 moves to ‘eat’ the Ghost, which will send the Ghost back to its starting position and score points. The aim of the PacMan is score as much as possible. The scoring is: 100 points for ‘eating’ the Ghost 1 point for each unique square visited. Instructions There should be an AI design and implementation for the PacMan character. If the Ghost AI ha...

I'm looking for an expert in QuickBooks Accountant to assist with setting up and troubleshooting my Dutch VAT. The current issues mainly revolve around tax reporting, so I need someone who can help iron out these problems to ensure the system is running efficiently. Key requirements: - Proficient in QuickBooks Accountant - Expertise in Dutch VAT regulations - Experience in setting up VAT systems - Strong troubleshooting skills, particularly in the field of tax reporting Ideally, the individual should also have experience in managing fixed asset registers within a QuickBooks environment. The ideal candidate should be able to communicate clearly and effectively in English.

Hi Infotech Wayout Pvt Ltd, I noticed your profile and would like to offer you my project. We can discuss any details over chat.

I need 5 sec or more dancing short video, - The background of the video should be static, not moving. No caption, no Water mark. You can collect YT and others - The video should be of the highest quality, specifically 1080p HD. Any music allow. Need 2K Shorts When applying, please highlight your relevant experience in creating similar videos. Your portfolio will play a crucial role in our selection process.

Position: Remote Data Entry Specialist Schedule: Monday - Friday Working Hours: 12:00 pm - 8:00 pm CET (Central European Time) (Converts to: 11:00 am - 7:00 pm WAT/WEST | 1:00 pm - 9:00 pm EAT/EEST) Requirements: - Attention to Detail: Spotting errors is your superpower! - Professionalism: We take our work seriously. - Remote Work Experience: Navigate virtual waters like a pro. - Dependability: We count on you to stick to schedules and meet deadlines. Responsibilities: - Data Entry: Accurate and efficient input of information. - Data Management: Ensure data consistency and integrity. - Communication: Collaborate with the team remotely. Duration: Indefinite. How to Apply: Prove your attention to detail by a) stating your time zone at the start of your response and b) confirming...

I'm currently looking for a virtual assistant. Need YouTube video time clip copy paste. New freelancer welcome. More discusse with freelancer chat. Thanks

I have new iOS meditation yoga app. Just newly launched so now I need promotion of my app so I get more new user and download of my app .and also come in search in iOS appstore

Hello, Need to get datas reports of my uber eat account using API UBER Please contact me if you can do that, please your réponse need to mention this "icanhelp" to avoid robots; Thank you

...logic, and that we might discover truths more real than reality. This project explores pushing back on this tyranny of the mundane through the eyes of Surrealism. Your animation will reinterpret what we see daily and raise questions about how we perceive our world and create something surreal. surreal adjective having the qualities of surrealism; bizarre. surrealism noun a 20th-century avant-garde movement in art and literature which sought to release the creative potential of the unconscious mind, for example by the irrational juxtaposition of images. GUIDELINES: Choose a daily action or normal scenario and create a subversive context that challenges our traditional notions of that action or scenario. For example, if you choose the action "to eat", create a...

...logic, and that we might discover truths more real than reality. This project explores pushing back on this tyranny of the mundane through the eyes of Surrealism. Your animation will reinterpret what we see daily and raise questions about how we perceive our world and create something surreal. surreal adjective having the qualities of surrealism; bizarre. surrealism noun a 20th-century avant-garde movement in art and literature which sought to release the creative potential of the unconscious mind, for example by the irrational juxtaposition of images. GUIDELINES: Choose a daily action or normal scenario and create a subversive context that challenges our traditional notions of that action or scenario. For example, if you choose the action "to eat", create a...

Position: Remote Data Entry Specialist Schedule: Monday - Friday Working Hours: 11:00 am - 7:00 pm CET (Central European Time) (Converts to: 10:00 am - 6:00 pm WAT/WEST | 12:00 pm - 8:00 pm EAT/EEST) Requirements: - Attention to Detail: Spotting errors is your superpower! - Professionalism: We take our work seriously. - Remote Work Experience: Navigate virtual waters like a pro. - Dependability: We count on you to stick to schedules and meet deadlines. Responsibilities: - Data Entry: Accurate and efficient input of information. - Data Management: Ensure data consistency and integrity. - Communication: Collaborate with the team remotely. Duration: Indefinite. How to Apply: Prove your attention to detail by a) stating your time zone at the start of your response and b) confirmin...

I'm urgently seeking a WordPress specialist to address some key issues on my website. These include plugin conflicts, deploying a contact form, and integrating Google Analytics. This project will require: - Identifying and resolving plugin conflicts that are currently affecting the website's functionality. - Setting up a contact form that aligns with specific requirements. These requirements will be shared with the chosen freelancer. - Integrating Google Analytics to allow for a better understanding of website traffic and user behavior. Ideal candidates will have: - Extensive experience in WordPress, with a proven track record of resolving plugin conflicts. - Proficiency in setting up and customizing contact forms in WordPress to meet client specifications. - A good understand...

I'm looking for a WordPress expert with a rehire rate of more than 27% to help me with my website development project. The goal is to build an engaging portfolio display site for my business. I'm keen to build a long-lasting work relationship, so reliability and good communication are key. Your task will be to ensure the site is fully optimized, user-friendly, and resonates well with my brand image. Looking forward to working with you.

quote number 3 is here for the tshirts